Still/Empress
Still clear, steer clear.
Sit in silence while the candle burns so the guides listen to the words under my heart beat.
The way the flame sways smoothly tells me that they’re listening and sending comfort and warmth to my heart. And sometimes I just don’t know how to say what I want to say so I just play something and watch with the higher ups present, to spend some time with them.
Taking a break once this comes into fruition. I need the (voluntary) solitude to rebuild, to refill my cup and to mainly crash out in safety before the recovery process begins. The world (axis in my brain) has been spinning at a rate that I do not know how to control and it’s not all bad thoughts, it’s just too busy being on the go.
I need stillness, calm waters and somewhere that will let me cry and still give after care. I need my feet - truly my entire body - in the ocean and to be surrounded by the presence of love even while I slumber. I finally get to slumber with no perceived threat in my veins.
EMPRESS
Protecting my inner child then teen, and me.
If I’m too busy loving everyone above me, who’s left to love me?
And I’ve got a lot of love to give, you should see when I’m really in it and it’s genuine. This is mainly from a platonic pov. I would go to war for the homies like I would for my siblings and I.
It’s okay to just not want to assume responsibility for things you had no involvement in causing. and not feel guilty about that.
It’s okay to trust people even when it’s really tough. How will you build the community you want by overcompensating and over-pouring then not believing you’ll get the same?
If I knew how fast a vision board would work, I would have intentionally worked towards creating one sooner. Things have been coming to fruition at a rapid rate but the thing that has me close to tears is how there is one thing I literally begged for internally (due to an unfortunate occurance causing me to ocassionally spiral) being en route. This one is the type of thing only God and my Ancestors could have pulled off because on my own, I was beat. I said that I’ll work towards what I can (everything else on the board) while silently wishing and surrendering to them because at some point, I eventually stopped breathing. I haven’t been breathing. It’s been months…
I have to protect my inner child, my inner teen, me. I need to hug my inner teen and show her that there are more people like her varsity friends who wont intentionally harm her and see her vulnerability as an invite to attack because there is no shield to protect her.
Forgiving myself (mostly) for roles I played in getting hurt and not protecting myself (as much as I feel like I should have) has not been the easiest thing. I’ll be accountable, but the forgiving part is still a bumpy road that I am treading with compassion no matter how difficult the road is.
In everything though - through my spiritual growth too - you will find me wherever love is. Love that is healthy, safe, and calm yet free flowing like water.
